Why Try

Guess when you finally think things are going good, boom everything goes haywire. My oldest is pregnant and refuses to give it up. My middle daughter doesn't want to live with me. She would rather live with munner and go back to a guy that probally cares less about her then stay with me the mom that loves here.
Here I think I am doing a good job but I guess I must be the worse mom in the world because neither of them want to be with me. Why shpuld I care then let them do what they want. I could think of it this way I won't have to pay the extra for insurance and all the other crap that I do now. That's thirty less a month for lunches and all the other money they want on a daily basis. Why should I care if they don't want to be with me. My sister has told me this before and I just didn't listen. I brought my girls out here to vegas to give us a new start, but that didn't work and they don't want to let us really try. What more can I do? My sister has told me that I am a bad mom, I guess they are proving her right. One gets pregnate to leave the other would rather leave for a guy. Guess I really did a crappy job from the start. Should have left them with their father I guess and they could have lived in the woods with no power no vehicle no food. What should I care they don't care about me and everything I have given up for them in my life. Let them find out how hard it is on their own. Find out how little money they do not have when they want something. How many hours they have to work to even be able to pay bills to keep a roof over their head.
I don't get it, why should I fight it let them go where they want I guess. Let them learn the hard way. The same way I had to. Just hope the guys don't turn out to be jerks like their father is and was, and always will be. I give up fighting, there is nothing left to fight for I guess. Just hope they make it out alive with their decision.

Rambling

Ok well it's time. my truck is ready to go. So we have found a 2006 Dodge Ram 1500 quad cab and the bank is willing to give us the loan. So if it looks good in the morning I might have a new vehicle by the weekend. Which in my book would be great. I worry things ar just going down hill to fast with it, and hings might not be safe for much longer.

Now as for work it sucks. I am getting burried under a mound of paper work. Which meas I will never get out on the floor. Which I was originally hired for, but guess what? That is what I get for believing what I am told. Should have stuck with my old ways and never taken anything one face value. So now I am stuck with a delima do I give them more time to do what they said to start with or do I make a move which will be better for me in the long run.

I am working 10 plus hours a day five days a weekwhich is to much. No one shold have to work like that. I do the job of two ppl and get paid the amount of one. To me that math just does not add up!!!!!! Need to work on my math and see what I can do about that!!!!

AWOL

Ok, I know I have been MIA on keeping up lately, but lots of things have been going on. My job still bites the big one. I am still doing way to much for way to little pay. I now have a schedule and vactions along with everything else I was already doing. Then add meetings every friday it's just to much. I have not had a chance to get to payroll the last two Fridays,(ok so I stayed till nine thirty last friday 12 1/2 hour day) sorry already working 5 tens not going to pull 12's and not get anywhere.

The more that gets piled on me the more I do to keep up. I need to just say no I can't, but that is not my personality. I will keep pushing myself until I loss it. The last tw ppl before me did not have to do half of the stuff I am doing and I know this first hand, and to top it off they both had full training where I was lucky to get maybe 15hours on the three days I got.

I am wasting what I know to do sitting behind a desk. This is not what I have been learning since I was 13 I was not killing myself in all those kitchen and resturants to sit behind a freaking desk. I know some would say shut up and quit complaining atleast you have a job. It is not what I applied for and not what I do. So why should I settle for something I don't want.

I was raised to reach for my goals and fight to get there because i would make it better in the long run..

I know if I do not put my foot down and do something he will keep pilling more crap on me to keep me stuck where I am and that is not what will make me happy.

I am a ppl person not omeone that is willing to sit idly behind a desk. Sorry but I can not buy in to that insanity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unsure/ Rants/ Questions/ Lies

Okay things never make sense anymore. Just when you think you might be figuring things out someone throws you a crurve ball. Making me nothing more then a freakins AA agian (company term for a secratry) Then I get told I don't show want to be a floor manager. Give me a break how does getting hire being told Iwould be 3/4on the floor and 1/4 in the office say I don't want to be o the floor. I have 15 plus years managment experience. Each of those years I have run a shift a crew or an entire rest. by myself. Yet here tha does not seem good enough for their standards. Nor the fact that I have always keep labor low and made my bonuses every quater when i was a kitchen manager. Or the fact that I have been a corprut trainner for one of the biggest rest. in the U.S. I just do not know what it takes. Ppl with little to no experience get put on the floor right away and yet here I sit shuffling papers for yet another day.

Yes I know I might sound like a broken record ut I do not feel I should hae to stay extra past the ten hours I am already workin on a daily basis to prove I want to be on the floor. Sorry but I feel my work history should show I know what I am doing and Should be given a chance on my marit instead of being lied to over and over agian.

It was sugested to me I should just smile and nood my head and agree to everything told to me. Sit and waste time bull shitting when there are things to be done. So that they know I want to be one he floor. Or even to walk around with them on my time (this is after my ten hours I have already put in) I am already giving this job more hours then it s worth, If someone could give me a vqalid reason why I should waste more time to brown nose to get where I should be maybe I would but wasting my life behind a desk is not for me. I am customer safe (if you want tosay it that way) and know what I am talkin about, but yet no one wants to get out of the way so I can do what I should be doing.

Is it because I do the job I have better then I should. Maybe I should sit and not put in the hours and let the discrepeancys to pile where the next person has to deal with ones from over a year before. Or to find out that things where never done right half the time and you are cleaning up others messes. Or to hear how others talk about the staff and to decide you have no respect for anone you work with because of they way they treat everyone else.

Let alone finding out how they talk about you when you are not there.How they belittle you and saying you are nothing but a lowly secretary with no worth other than findng a file or placing an order, hell even making phone call just to say that he wanted to talk to them. Sorry I can not work in a dept. that think little of someone because they know how to work and have respect for everyone until the lose that themselve.

I just want to like my job not dread everyday knowing I have to go because my family needs the paycheck coming in. I want the joy I had when I was just bartending instead of being a second class person now.

Lupus

Most peple don't understand this illness (heck most of us with it don't). For the longest tme in my life I never had it confirmed util 2005. I lived without knowing what was wrong with me for years. I dealt with the aches and pain. The bruises I just past off from being a tomboy in my younger years , now in my thirties I can no longer say that.

This all just makes me worry what I might have past on to my children. I do not want my girls to deal with what I do. I try to hide how I fell from themso that they can be blissfully ignorrant I guess. I feel why should they have to worry about me they have enough on heir plates at their age
Today I found out that my lupus has started to cause bone loss. I have dealt with the ugly soars on my chest, neck, back and face, since my initial flare. I have only had three other big flares since then, many mildflares that were nothing more than a irritaton. I deal with pain and a constant fever, but knowing I might have to have surgery scares the hell out of me . Or the fact that I have to go back on to meds just to control the pain (not realy control more like tollerate). This is an issue that no one could conrol, nor find a crue for.

New Home

What runs through someones mind when they decide to pack up and move cross counrty? Well I for one am till trying tofigure this out, even after ding it two times now. My first one was from Florida to wisconsin, now it was Wisconsin to Nevada. People asked me if I had lost my mind others just wished me good luck

Well I have been here in Las Vegas for six months now nd I can tel you even though the pay is higher the cost of living makes up the difference. The shool system is se up to drive parents insane. You can not do anything over the phone. You can not even talk about your child, you know the ones that you go through labor to have you have to prove it all over agian to show a photo.

Give me a break if I want to discuss my children it is my right. Or to make three quarters of the elementary kids walk to chool. nope no busses, because it is not cost effective. So they would rather ave kis walk with the idiot drivers out here. Yes said idiot drive, no one seems to have common sense.

Take merging on the highway, they do not know what the word means, the chose to slam on brakes. Oh and for the slight bit of rain or the minut snow flake it slows down to turtle speed. I think they all need to go back to learn how to drive!!!!!!

As for work that is another long story which I chose to just not discuss because as of many other areas in Las Vegas comon sense does not prevail, or even being on the same page as to what should happen.

Okay thats enough for now of how I lost my mind and moved cross coutry not once but twice.

Life in general

ok went things go wrong they come in pairs
so to start Marks car decided to start leaking tranny fluid (thank god it is under warranty)
now for my truck that is another story
my suspension is shot, the springs have started to compress because the shocks are gone. my ubolts are going to rust through. so basicly this means i have to get a new vehicle. so over the next weeks i get to search for something to drive that i will like over the long run because i would rather find something i want to keep, like i did with my explorer i have had it forever, it seems.
so here is to the next advnture of car buying in las vegas. wish me luck

Life

People say everything in life
takes time. Well I for one can not stand idley waiting. I prefer for things to
just get moving. So I do not understand why I keep putting off my submissions.
So with tat sad I have set a
goal for myself, I plan to have two submssions in before the end of the
year.
I have figured out that
between my work and writting I never seem to have ime foranything yet I am
getting nowhere with either one of them. So from this day forward I plan to work
on my problem of procrastination

.